she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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