True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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