he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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