so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
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Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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