It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
