I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
