if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
