Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
