in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
