Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i think my cat just said my name.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
