The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
