Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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