You're my little dorito
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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