My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
