I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
