even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
