I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
