did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
