Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
