The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
