his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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