i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize