the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
