as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
