I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
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i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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