He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
