Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
