I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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