Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize