I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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