You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
