WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
