That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Someone signed my nipple.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
