I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
