This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
