Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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