Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
