After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
