You don't have asthma, your pregnant
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
