Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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