Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
