we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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