Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
