toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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