I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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