I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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