There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
