I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
