i think my tv is drunk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
