last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
