so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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