who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
