can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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