I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
