Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
