My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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