I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
