Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
