hotel room ftw
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
