She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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