We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
