my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
