He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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