Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
