if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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